Dirt Brown

This is a story that I wrote for a Fairy Tale Revision Assignment. We were asked to take a classic fairy tale, and put our own spin on it. I chose to write a spoof of Snow White, titled Dirt Brown. My story follows a similar story line, however, the contrasting terms and situations I use are pretty obvious... For example, the title!

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful king and queen. The whole kingdom admired them and thought of them as celebrities. One day, the blond hair and blue eyed queen was quilting a baby blanket in the forest and speaking to herself about what she hoped her baby would look like, “She will be the fairest in the kingdom with flowing, golden hair and the most vibrant blue eyes....” All of a sudden she pricked her finger with her needle! Three drops of blood fell into the dirt, and she exclaimed, “Oh shoot! That hurt! My precious blood, soaking into this disgusting dirt! So filthy.” And she returned home to nurse her tiny wound.
The queen soon had her baby girl. However, this was not the little beauty she had hoped for... Her tiny princess had hair everywhere. With eyes and skin as dark as dirt, and as rough as bark. The gorgeous queen exclaimed, “This cannot be my daughter! She is ugly and would blend into the dirt.” The tabloids soon nicknamed the new royal baby “Dirt Brown.” Rumors quickly spread about how this child could possibly turn out so hideous, and the queen was so embarrassed that she ran away from the kingdom!
The king soon found a new wife, and they reached the decision that Dirt Brown was bringing a bad name to the royal family and that she must be taken away. The king and his new wife hired a huntsman to kill Dirt Brown. The huntsman threw Dirt Brown over his shoulder and whisked her away to the snowy mountain tops. When they finally reached the top, the huntsman plopped Dirt Brown down in the snow and reached for his knife to kill her, but when he looked up, the huntsman was blown away. “Dirt Brown, your beauty truly stands out in this setting! You are stunning and you do not blend in at all.” The huntsman could not bring himself to kill Dirt Brown and he told her to flee and hide from the evil new queen.
Dirt Brown ran and ran as far as she could... and although she was colder than you can imagine, Dirt Brown couldn’t have cared less because she knew she was pretty now and that her surroundings had finally brought out her beauty. Dirt Brown finally reached a lovely cabin. She knocked on the door many times, but no one answered. After deciding that this was a life or death situation, Dirt Brown entered the cabin through an open window. To her delight, the cabin had many lite fireplaces and seven extremely cozy beds. Dirt Brown took all the blankets and moved them to one bed, the one closest to a fireplace, where she soon fell into a deep and warm sleep.
When Dirt Brown finally lifted her heavy eyelids, she was shocked to find seven extremely white people surrounding her! Naturally these, very white people were curious as to why she was in their home and where she had come from; however, these white people we also astonished by her dark coloring and began to praise her beautiful eyes, skin, and hair. Dirt Brown explained to them that she was a princess who had been banished from her kingdom because she was not fair or beautiful enough. These seven people then told Dirt Brown that they were all albino! The seven friends were all extremely fair and white because they had no pigment or coloring anywhere in their body. They all agreed that Dirt Brown was gorgeous, and that they were very envious of her powerfully dark coloring.
The seven albinos and Dirt Brown sat down to enjoy some dark brown hot chocolate and discuss Dirt Brown moving in. They soon reached the decision that they needed some variety and beauty in their house. Dirt Brown was overjoyed to be accepted and thoroughly appreciated for her beauty in her new home. Dirt Brown and the seven albinos lived happily ever after in the snowy white mountains.